Mourning for a friend, and working through my fear

Deep inhale. A girl from my Monday morning Bible study is burying her toddler this week. My mind has drifted to the darkest places since finding out. The burning in my throat of tears welling without warning begins, and I have to completely stop what I’m doing to sob. I have 3 small children. I have experienced such anxiety that is crippling. I ACHE for this girl and her husband and their other daughter. Instantaneously, that is how it happens. Life completely altered forever. When we do not expect it, of course because we never expect it, we lose life and loved ones. How does this fit into having joy? I am reading Anne Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts devotional and seeking deepest joy – not just in the mundane – but in the dark and hurtful, painful tribulations too. I have racked my brain about a young mom saying goodbye to a baby girl, a little sister, a future bride and friend. My flesh kicks back, but my heart is yielding to the Holy Spirit today. As I went for a jog that ended in stopping to cry out for this mom's sorrow and grief, and my own selfish panicking anxiety -- and let’s just call it what it is, FEAR -- I was reminded of something. You can’t cheat or outrun death. But NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE PLAYING A GAME WITH IT OR RACING IT. NO! Each day we are all one day closer to it. Our determined day is already just that. Planned. Determined. And not just randomly but by a PERFECT, OMIPRESENT, OMNIPOTENT HOLY GOD! If I believe this, I know there are no accidents. It doesn't explain the why, the pain, the grief, the loss, but it does give way to relief and rest if we let His perfect love cover us and remind us of the Hope. I am ashamed of my fleshly desire to control my children and their God-appointed fate. But the fear! The fear is gripping. Christ commands us to not be anxious or afraid. And a wise older lady said “We see this scripture and yet we still hold on to the fears and anxiety, but really we need to call it what it is, sin.”  In Matthew, God says "Don't worry about tomorrow. It has it's own set of problems. Sufficient to each day is the evil in it." Consider this a command and you’ll realize you are sinning by continuing to black out into the day-mares. That hits home for me. I’m like “Hey God, I trust you, but…” Seriously there are no buts. “God, I trust you.” Exhale.

I John 4:18 “Perfect love casts out fear.”  Philippians 4:6-8 9 [“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and thanksgiving make your requests known to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, dwell on and think about what is TRUE...”]

It’s just so hard, but it’s possible because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13. To dwell on the truth means I cannot even say “but if I just would have…” or “What if…” No! I will not succumb to that today. Today I have greatest joy in knowing He is El Elyon - God Most High.

Andrea Gayle | Dream | CD Baby Music Store

Andrea Gayle | Dream | CD Baby Music Store

It is finally here! My debut album Dream.  The title track to the album "Dream" hit iTunes in 2011 - over 2 years ago. I'm so thankful that the album is finally ready for distribution. My goal is to sell 1000 albums this year. Please buy the album and share it with your friends. Thank you so much to everyone who believed in this project!

Turn, Turn, Turn.

Ecclesiastes 3:1  "To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under heaven"

Shew, is that ever true in the Flohr house right now. As you continue in Ecclesiastes 3, you'll see the many seasons that exist in life: being born, dying, planting, reaping, healing, laughing, mourning etc. And I am now convinced there is a season for rule breaking. Here goes:

This little dude is the newest addition to our family. This 8 lbs of perfect has shaken the other two little ones in our home a bit, and caused me to ask myself if rule breaking is ok?

I thought my biggest challenge in bringing home my 3rd baby was going to be me: When will I sleep, shower, eat, feel like me again, get skinny again. All of that. Well, I learned on my 2nd day home that my struggles with self were going to be the least of my worries.  Let's bring in Exibit B: Our other awesome pictures of happiness and sweetness.  Our 4 and 2 year olds. We were in an amazing rythm with these two before baby Graydi was born. Landri and Malachi couldn't wait to meet their new brother or sister. We had an awesome daily routine for summer from our trips to the pool, lunches at the park, enjoying the outdoors riding bikes, seeing friends, going for ice cream and then an amazing nap and bedtime schedule too. I never even gave thought to the struggles that would grip their little lives when this new one came home to actually stay, live with us, and be part of our family. Malachi has struggled the most. 

 Normally such an easy going and tender 2 year old, he has become some kind of irritable little guy. There are offenses in our home that are automatic disciplinary actions because the kids know them by heart that they are against the rules and call for discipline. We won't go into all of them, but I can tell you that one of them is destroying things for the sake of being destructive. Two days ago Malachi opened his new box of crayons given to us by our sweet neighbor and snapped them all...then came and proudly announced to me "I just broke my box of crayons!" (all with a smile). I immediately saw the cry for attention. Meanwhile, I am giving more of myself individually to Malachi and Landri than I did at the end of my exhausting pregnancy. So, it'd hard on me to think that it's not enough. So, I sent him to his room but before getting the spank spoon, I thought, How can I spank for this? So, I smacked the gavel in my heart and thought of Ecclesiastes 3 and said this is a season for breaking the rules. And I mean breaking my own rules...I'm not letting my toddlers become wild and crazy, I'm just going to be more gracious on my end. He lost privileges with those crayons for two days (just finally getting them back this morning) but I dismissed my automatic spank rule for his destruction, and I'm ok with that. It has happened more since. He hammered my walls with a toy hairdryer that same day. Ugh! But I broke the rules again and instead had a sweet heart-to-heart with him where he came right out and told me he doesn't like that I'm with Graydi so much. He has made comments that Graydi doesn't "neeeeeed" to eat. etc. I am learning that we should not set any expectations for good or bad because what we thought would be just isn't always so. I thought Malachi would immediately recognize his future sword-fighting buddy, but he sees a bit of a contender instead. Fortunately, Malachi still kisses and hugs his brother and desires to hold him, but I see his inner struggle with obeying and being sweet, and he is as confused about it as ever. I know he doesn't even know who it's aimed at. :( sigh.  

Then there's my "Sis."

 She's so responsible and helping. Nothing in her resents her new real life doll...but something in her is feeling neglected too. Even though on my first day home from the hospital I considered my rotting bananas an opportunity to be with Landri like old times in the kitchen baking, and even though I've spent alone time with her playing Uno and doing nails while Graydi sleeps, THIS is what I saw immediately after the comment "But Moooooom, what about me!?"

 

She was pouting on the swing right after a picnic lunch where I had put myself through soreness and unrest to play baseball in the back yard yesterday. I had to run in the house to get something (for the baby I'm sure) and I heard her say those heart jabbing words: "What about me?"  I looked out, saw this image and knew it was blog time. She apparently wanted a push. She hasn't needed pushed in weeks. She can pump her legs so high it's dangerous. But clearly, she too needed me in a way that I don't even think she gets. So the next rule that got broken was mine again. The heck with the house, the heck with the vacuum. The heck with everything (except for a clean kitchen and fresh laundry because we just can't function without those two).  So I'm writing this for self therapy, to make it officially okay to be in a season of rule breaking, but also to encourage any of you Mom's who feel defeated with one child or many. Defeated because you aren't super mom and because you too can't keep up with everything even though you may stay home with your kids every day. It's just a grace thing. We need to lean on the Lord for strength every single day. When the times get hard we need to turn to Nehemiah 8:10: "The joy of the Lord is my strength."

There is even a song about it, and I can honestly say when I feel a curse word coming on, this is the phrase I work effortlessly to insert instead. I've taught this song to my kids, and truly it is so restoring for the spirit. The Lord is on our side. He is working all things to good, Romans 8:28...and we have to trust that the Holy Spirit will descend on us and give us grace to get through....each season. 

Frugal Woman

I stumbled upon a homemade laundry detergent recipe last summer (not really stumbled, friends passed it along) that has revamped my cleaning budget. I first was convicted with the realization that indoor air pollution is the Asbestos of tomorrow, thanks to the New York Times best selling book: The Healthy Home by Dr. Myron Wentz and his son Dave Wentz. The book opened my eyes to the fact that while much of the world is concend with going green for the environment, we as wives and Moms need to be more concerned with "greening" our homes. We spend so much time in our homes, and it can be a dangerous place to be thanks to chemicals, preservatives, and other silent and hidden monsters. The book takes you on a journey through your home, and each chapter begins with a quiz to determine how green you are in certain rooms. I absolutely FAILED the laundry room with a capital F! This got me thinking that possibly I can cut not only the chemicals to better my score in this particular area, but I can also slash dollars out of the budget as I spend so much on these damaging laundry items. The soap I found is the same one that Michelle Duggar uses, so you can find it at her website, but I have decided to post it in my blog as well. I know other moms who personally use it and love it (at least 6 others) and I have been using for one year to the day. If you decide to give it a shot, please message me, and let me know how you like it. I'll try to add all my tips to this post to  help you get the most out of your detergent.

For the recipe you will need:

• 1 five gallon bucket with lid
• 1 bar of Kirk's Castile Coconut Oil Soap (Other soaps that are reccommended are Fels-Naptha or any bar you prefer - especially castile.) I like the Kirk's because I know it is more natural.
• 1 cup of Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
• 1/2 cup Borax (optional) - I reccommend using it. I've done both
• 4 1/2 gallons of hot water

It was fun to make this fabulous soap because I was able to get my two toddlers involved. They had a blast helping me make it, and I was able to explain to them why we were doing it. Especially with my daughter, as I teach her about our noble calling as keepers of the home, and stewards of our home, it was a fun experience.

You'll want to rinse out an old laundry detergent container to use once your have your 5 gallons prepared. That way you can conveniently have some to use in your laundry room and you can store your 5 gallons in the garage or somewhere out of the way.

Here's my two-year-old, Malachi with our supplies

Begin with a cheese grater to grate your bar of soap into a saucepan, and cover it with 4 cups of water. You boil it down until the soap is completely dissolved.

4 and 2 year old, grating soap

Boiling the soap

After the soap is completely dissolved, pour it into the five gallon bucket. Add 4 and a half gallons of hot water, the 1 cup of washing soda and the half cup of Borax. Stir until dissolved. Here is a cute picture of my kiddos, standing in the bathtub mixing our big 5 gallon batch!

That's it. I have a friend who dillutes it with another 5 gallons of water to make 10 gallons, and she says it works great. I have not tried that. You can use this detergent as soon as it's made, but it will gel and get thicker as it sets. You'll need to shake your detergent container after you fill it up. hen I'm doing laundry, I shake the container initially and then I feel like the detergent is mixed well for all the loads I'm doing. Sometimes the soap is chunky, and sometimes there are little "floaties" of soap flecks in it. This detergent is "HE" compatible as there is very little suds. I use the same amount I would with another detergent for a load, but I have read on other blogs that you can use less. Just do what you feel comfortable doing. Also, one last tip: I still use oxyclean or some kind of booster with whites as I feel that even though this detergent gets everything clean (even kid's stained clothes) it will leave whites looking dingy. Another way to cut the chemicals is to throw 1/2 cup of white vinegar in with your clothes instead of bleach. It also works as a softener. Finally, remember that it will not have a fragrance, after all the smell of clean is no smell at all. Have you ever stood by a mountain spring? It doesn't smell like your store-bought laundry detergent:) I hope this helps you rise to your noble calling as you find it saves you money and cuts corners in the "greening" of your home. Hope everyone had a safe and happy Independence Day! God Bless, Andrea

Health Matters

I realize that I haven’t blogged whatsoever in the year 2012. However, I’ve been compelled to start each month, and each month I decline. This week, however, after another full circle moment on my life journey in health and contentment, I have been 100% convicted to begin a “Health Matters” component to my spiritual encouragement-aimed blog. I usually use my blog simply to bare my heart and be transparent with other women who are in the trenches of this world with me. I use it to remind them of simple life principles that I glean from reading God’s word or to simply share a frugal recipe. However, I’ve felt for a while now, as I’ve been a distributor of health and wellness products from my home now for over 5 years, that it is time to begin sharing some of the amazing golden health nuggets that I’ve learned from some of the most prominent doctors in the world. Some of the doctors I have trained under are not your typical MDs. These doctors are world renown is cell culture, understanding the majesty of God’s creation in the complex immune system: micro-biologists, immunologist. PhDs, Chemists, ETC who are not about writing the script, diagnosing and treating, but rather PREVENTION and longevity of life. In the end, our health matters. Therefore, I’ve decided I will begin a regular segment on health matters. (I like that play on words:)) I want to keep it short and interesting. It’s not a sales pitch. It’s just another way of looking at our bodies and our health that is not the way your typical dr. would have you to. PS: My brother is an MD, and I respect him as much as any doctor. He told me that when he was in medical school, the section on this type of medicine (neutroceutical) if you want to call it that: cellular health, vitamins etc….was “glazed over.” So, I don’t think it’s so much the doctors’ faults in this world for their philosophy of medicine. I just believe like with everything we get indoctrinated, and most of our medical docs are indoctrinated from their first lesson in medical school. I hope this blog will provoke thought and concern as you are your own best advocate. Today’s health matter will be on a top 10 list of facts about the human body as compiled by Dr. Tim Wood, and John Cuomo, et al.

TOP TEN LIST OF FACTS ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY:



10. The human body is made of 100 trillion cells

9. Every second our cells calculate billions of chemical reactions

8. Every day our bodies manufacture our body weight of ATP (wiki describes ATP as  produced by almost all living things in their cell's organelles called mitochondria. It stands for adenosine triphosphate and it is the major 'currency' of energy in the body
Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_ATP#ixzz1v2o1VDBS



7. Every day your heart beats 100,000 times pumping 2000 gallons of blood. That’s enough to power a Ford truck for 20 miles.

6. Daily, each cell repairs a million DNA lesions

5. Every month you COMPLETELY regenerate your entire layer of skin!

4. Every 3 months you completely rebuild your blood supply

3. Every 10 years we completely remodel every bone in our body

2. Children turn over their entire skeleton every year. Teens get 50 % of their adult bone mass at thirteen.

AND #1: Your brain contains 1 billion neurons!

These ten facts should cause your brain to go crazy wondering "what is supporting me through all of this?" That's the million dollar question, and I hope on this journey of realizing that our health matters I can shed light on the little things to help with these processes. God Bless,  Andrea Gayle

What the, Luck?

Well I definitely haven't blogged much this year, but other things have taken priority - many things that have just seemed to happen out of nowhere with life, at home and with my business. Many people would attribute the unexpected (whether pleasant or not so much) to happenstance or luck. "Oh you are so lucky!" or "This must be my lucky day!" Or, "I'm on such a streak of bad luck!" Ya know, as a Christian why would we EVER throw those phrases around lightly? When the word of God is more than CLEAR that there is NO SUCH THING, NO SUCH THING, NO SUCH THING as luck, we Christians thank our lucky stars way more than we even realize...and by way more, I mean we NEVER SHOULD.
I'm reading a book called "Family Driven Faith" by Reverand, Dr. Voddie Bauchum, and he makes a funny allusion to a cooking show where he saw the chef say a prayer before pulling cookies out of the over "Please God, don't let 'em burn" and when they came out ok, she said "We can all use a little good karma every once in a while." WHAT AN OXYMORON! First she prays and then thanks Buddha. I know I'm totally guilty of these things. I am here to show you why it is completely unbiblical to believe in luck or chalk ANYTHING up to it/karma/horoscope/what-ev!
In God's word, The Holy Bible he is referred to as "Sovereign" 297 times. The definition of Sovereign is Supreme Authority, All Knowing, All Seeing, All Present. Supreme Authority. So in that of itself luck has no place. Nothing will thwart the Sovereign Lord, not luck, not karma, not your "sign".
Another indication from scripture that the Almighty Hand of God is in control is all of the references to weather. Many people get mad at the weather b/c it doesn't "cooperate". Someone very dear to me even claims that the weather just does what it wants and that God set it into motion years ago and even things like Hurricane Katrina are just general providence. I can say very confidently that "general providence" doesn't exist because a Supreme Being, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit has complete and total authority (as mentioned in scripture) so the weather does not just blow around as a breeze. The hand of God has orchestrated each raindrop and snowflake:
Psalm 135:7He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth; he sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses.
Jeremiah 10:13When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar; he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth. He sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses.
Matthew 8:27The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

I cannot grasp the loss of hope I would experience if I thought events in my life were happenstance. It's a matter of grave importance. It effects where your hope is found. If you think some things just happen by chance b/c of the laws of gravity and the laws of motion and the laws of physics, then you in turn believe our God is under the parameters of said laws, and that just is not so. If he wanted the ocean to float in mid air it would...oh wait, IT DID: Exodus 14:21Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land.
The Bible talks so often about things like the weather that we encounter every single day, and each time he is in control of it. Therefore, even on a gloomy rainy day, God intended that for His glory somehow. On a rainy day when there should've been fireworks, WHO KNOWS the small fledgling garden that God poured mercy on and blessed through it all in His divine will.
Proverbs 19:21Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
That verse alone is all I need to lay my head on my pillow tonight in peace. The peace that passes all understanding is real. It is spirit-given. The Holy Spirit is able to rest on your this moment if you put your trust in him that although you can plan even for evil, God can use it to get glory and accomplish his will. An example is the way Joseph's brothers treated him in Genesis 37. Through all of their sin, God was working a tremendous amazing work in Joseph's life. Some people do not want to trust or believe the Bible's words about God's ultimate control because they don't think it's fair. Well, a fair God would send every single sinner to hell. A fair God would not pour grace and mercy on our lost souls and save us to be with him for eternity. God is not indebted to us, NO QUITE THE CONTRARY. So every moment we even breathe is a precious gift of grace. I am so humbled tonight because I know that I'm such a loser so often and God uses my sin and failure to do something great for his glory: Romans 8:28. He is SO GOOD. And the fact that he chooses to save any of us is beyond comprehension. The fact that he cares to know the number of hairs on your head Matthew 10:30But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. For a God to care of the number of hairs on your head, that's a God of intricate details...a God who does care about the small stuff, enough to even have omnipotence in it. The hairs of your head...what a bizarre detail to know. I figure it is because he has such an intense desire for you to know how deeply he loves you. I could care less how many hairs are on my own head much less another person's. Our God loves us that much! God LOVES you. And he has treasures of love and peace to rain down on you if you just trust and obey him. Believe him at his word when he says he is sovereign. Thank God he is....I don't want to live in a world where "fate" has a say or for crying out loud, luck!

My challenge: Even if you do not believe in luck, make it a point to not even refer to it as if it has a place in your life. Do not rob our God of the glory for what he is doing, and definitely don't forget to acknowledge him and his control in your sufferings. He is over every last little thorn in your side. From giant financial struggles, to major division between loved ones, to a stubbed toe. God is in it all and working it for His glory and your good. Even your disgusting sin, God can do something good with that. I was reminded from a long time friend on facebook today after I spewed annoyance at our judicial system in this whole Casey Anthony verdict. God is over this. And Romans 12:19Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
While our finite minds can't comprehend how anything good is working in this case, our God's perfect ways will not be contained. He is in control. Amen to that!

Citizens of Another Kingdom

So, several times in the past few weeks, I've made the following statement to friends or people I was conversing with. The statement impacted all profoundly as none of them had heard it put the way I had put it (but I can't even remember who first said it to me.) It is not my own quote, but it is an eye-opening quote.

"For the person who has Christ as their Savior, Earth is their hell. It is the closest to hell they will ever get. The pain and sufferings here are all we will ever know. Sadly, for the lost soul who will spend eternity in Hell, this Earth, this place of horrible pain, suffering and loss is their Heaven. It is the closest to Heaven they will ever get."

That statement is so true if you really think about it. What a paradox! Praise God he saved my soul because many days I realize I am in exile here. And the following scripture reminds me that my citizenship lies in another kingdom.

Ephesians 2:11-19 (New International Version, ©2011)

Jew and Gentile Reconciled Through Christ

¹¹ "Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (which is done in the body by human hands)— ¹²remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. ¹³ But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

¹⁴ For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, ¹⁵ by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, ¹⁶ and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. ¹⁷ He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. ¹⁸ For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

¹⁹ Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household"

Fellow citizens: citizens of Christ's Kingdom. Believers, your citizenship lies in Heaven, and you are truly a foreigner here. It's no wonder you face persecution and strife. It's no wonder the enemy is gunning for you always. It's no wonder we have such strong convictions that typically stray SO FAR from the world's standards. You are not of this world. Be encouraged! As we celebrate Easter this week and next weekend, let's focus on our true citizenship. I heard an amazing sermon about this topic by Barret Jordan from Redeemer PCA Church in Teays Valley WV. That is when I first realized that I was in exile on earth...but what a beautiful thing to realize, for the born-again, you will never come a step closer to Hell. This should cause us to fall to our knees for our lost loved ones.

Happy Easter to all!

Andrea Gayle